7-01-2023 1:42pm

PERSPECTIVES - a regular weekend feature

Dear Liliane

Recently someone at work said to me, “Your lack of preparation does not constitute an emergency for me.” I was pretty annoyed and now I cringe when I see them. What do you think?

Of course I can see how that would feel very uncomfortable. I don’t know the specific details of your situation but I can tell you that I’ve been on both sides of that statement.

Once I was working in a busy office and had to rely on others for specific operations reports. I was late requesting information for a meeting and was told that my lack of preparation wasn’t an emergency for them at that time. In my mind there were all kinds of terrific reasons I was late submitting my request. In their mind, my reasons were of my own making. They weren’t rude, just really clear, and I had to scramble to put together enough information for the meeting. I didn’t come off as professionally as I could have (and should have), but the world didn’t end.

Over the course of my life I’ve been both the offender, and the hatchet - I’ve helped bail people out, and I’ve refrained from helping. How I say ‘Sure I can help’ or ‘Sorry you’re on your own’ depends on the circumstances.

For example, how important is it? Is my response delivered like a frontal attack or is it kind yet firm? Is the person asking for emergency assistance a chronic offender? Will refusal to help create unnecessarily harsh consequences? I think all these questions should factor in.

In the case of my fellow employee denying me assistance, they were at deadline for all the reports they had to prepare, they were frustrated because it wasn’t the first time I’d been late asking for my reports and the outcome wasn’t going to damage the company - just me a little bit.

Some folks like this expression because it sounds clever, but at the end of the day, regardless of delivery, what they are saying is, “I feel frustrated that you didn’t take care of your own business. In the future maybe you can plan your time better”. Then ideally, feelings are put aside and the focus moves to getting the job done. That’s a team players response and may be more instructive than anything.

If we’re talking about a chronic offender, we all have to deal with Tough Love at some point. It might be a friend, sibling, co-worker or even one of our own kids, and the kindest answer might lie in saying, “I cannot help you with this. This is an emergency you created and you need to sort this one out on your own”.

The day to day with people is much simpler when we have clear boundaries and don’t project our own emotions onto everyone else. My experience tells me that when I am clear and living in integrity, this type of thing rarely even shows up in my life.

Only you know the truth of your situation. If it really was out of line and rude, you may need a calm face to face with them. If you are the chronic offender, you may find great benefit in owning your actions and apologizing for putting them in an uncomfortable situation.

Either way, everyone needs to ‘declare victory and move on’!

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Got a question that needs a new pair of eyes?
Email: lily@domesnatureretreat.com

Liliane is co-owner of the Domes Nature Retreat

https://www.facebook.com/domesnatureretreat/

www.domesnatureretreat.com

She is a regular contributor to Alamogordo Town News

https://2ndlifemediaalamogordo.town.news/

She can be heard each weekend on Krazy KALHRadio.org 95.1 FM https://station.voscast.com/5b01bba90dce3