Perspectives - a regular weekly feature


Dear Liliane, It is so hard for me to make a decision. I am used to people making big decisions for me. How do I overcome this?

The fear of making a wrong choice can be paralyzing and it can feel a little complicated to unpack all the reasons for it…

If we are inherently decision makers, people call us bossy or pushy.

If we make no decisions we are viewed as helpless and someone will likely take over which only serves to prove to us our inadequacy.

If we make colossal errors in judgement we are not trusted and even worse, we lose trust in ourselves.

I had an employer years ago who taught that the only wrong decision is no decision. I learned to take action and had my share of mistakes, but also learned a lot. I started making bigger decisions and grew personally as well as making some good money. At some point it unraveled. I made some colossal mistakes and if one were to look only at appearance it might seem I lost too much. For a long time I certainly felt that way.

Now I’ve gone full circle, but I have a lot more experience under my belt, as well as the guiding light of faith that life is happening FOR me and not TO me. I still believe no decision is the worst decision. Choose a path and move forward. If it’s fruitful, keep going. If it’s not turning out the way you need it to, step back, re-assess, and make a new decision.

There’s nothing wrong with altering your course. Think of it like driving a car. You have to step on the gas (taking action) or you won’t go anywhere. You have to look ahead and make choices. If the road detours you have to follow the detour. If the weather gets rough you may have to pull over and wait, or re-assess your timeline. And you have to accept that when you get there, your destination may not be all you had hoped for. Stop. Re-assess. Choose a new path. That’s life.

I now live a life I never expected. It’s got its challenges but it’s far more rewarding than I ever imagined. I have a kind of freedom many people only dream of and I live in an amazing place. Most of my challenges are internal - managing expectation, adapting skills, and accepting that I can’t guarantee the destination but I can choose how I travel. And the bottom line is that the present moment is the only moment in existence. There is no past or future. But the attitude I hold in this moment is not only the beautiful blossom of the present, it will become the fruit of the invisible future.

Got a question that needs a new pair of eyes?

Liliane is co-owner of the Domes Nature Retreat

She can be heard each weekend on Krazy 95.1 FM

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