PERSPECTIVES by Liliane Pilot, RScP, Freelance writer, Co owner/operator at The Domes Nature Retreat

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Dear Lily,

Three of our cheese graters have gone missing. While our 13-year-old daughter swears she hasn’t taken them, she is the only person who could have taken them. What in the world would a 13-year-old possibly need those for?

Years ago I met a teenage boy (I’ll call him John) who needed a stable home to live in. His dad had housed him for a short while, and then sent him to live with his meth addicted mother. So this kid was already feeling totally abandoned.

John seemed like a sweet kid and he was good friends with my son so I took him in.
Things went pretty well for a while but then started to get bad. I sat him down and told him what was expected in our home and if he wasn’t able to abide by the house rules, he would not be able to stay with us.

Things continued to go downhill. The police came by and said John had been caught egging cars. I found a buck knife in his room which his dad told me John had stolen. Sneaky behaviour remained an issue, and then… a family heirloom went missing. I looked everywhere and finally concluded John must have taken it.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was ask John to leave. I felt I was letting this boy down, especially as he needed help so badly. But I could not have him creating an unsafe climate and an air of deceit in my home around my own sons.

I doubt you can imagine how upset with myself I was when, months later, I found the brooch, learned John was covering for another boy in the car egging incident, and heard the back story to the buck knife - something John’s dad had promised to give him right before he kicked him out.

I bumped into John several years later and we had a loving (and illuminating) conversation which did some to assuage my guilt, yet even now, so many years later, I still cringe at the memory.

Sometimes it walks like a duck, smells like a duck and even lays eggs like a duck… but then you find out it was a swan after all…..

I can’t begin to say whether your daughter has the cheese graters or what she would do with them if she did, but you may want to consider there could be explanations beyond your imagining at this point. And in the scheme of things, how important is this? Is it more important than Love? Are there other symptoms of something ‘not quite right’? Are you a parent that makes it easy for your child(ren) to talk openly to you?

I hope missing kitchen utensils are the greatest challenge your household has to face.

Blessings,

Liliane Pilot

Got a question that needs a new pair of eyes? Email me at: Lily@domesnatureretreat.com

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