The Battle Against Depression A Constant Fight Sometimes We Win Sometimes We Don’t

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Depression is an illness that not only hurts the victim but hurts those that love the victim…

I share this dialog and this battle in the hopes that others who feel suicidal, at a loss of control or are battling mental health issues seek help and don’t let the illness win. I’ve come close to succumbing to the darkness but with love and support, with healthcare to treat the chemical imbalance and through perseverance, we know we can pull through, remain productive and get back onto track.

It’s a constant battle and one we’ve learned that is genetic and passed from one generation to another.  In my case my maternal grandmother had depression but ignored it, my mother fought depression but tried to find way through it, and never truly came to terms with it, nor got real treatment.

We’ve  fought against depression and a chemical imbalance for decades but it seeks it poke its head up and it wins when paired with a physical ailment or sickness and significant stress. I believe my mothers recent death may have been a trigger paired with stress and the holiday effects pulling and triggering a deep dark cloud.

My apologies to those I love the most, Rene Sepulveda, you are the best thing to ever come into my life. I apologies I don’t say it often enough and typically don’t make public pronouncements over my own health issues, but my writing and journaling is also a part of my journey to healing. 

I felt I was strong enough to overcome my recent bought of deep depression and illness if I buried myself into our cause, focused on the love around us and marched forward. One can only march so long it seems, without a break till the illness grabs harder. But we can beat it and we can overcome the obstacles as a result with love and support, medications and treatment. 

Rita and Fred thank you for being family, caring and free of judgement. Manuel and Lydia you are my heart. I truly hope you will continue to lift Rene and the rest of us with your laughter, passion and love and continue to carry our vision forward no matter the obstacles, thus our efforts are not in vain. Wade and Maria you bring so much joy and laughter to my heart. Bobby and Johnny thank you for the laughs. Katheryn and Mic you bring  a smile to me each and every time we spend time together

My brother Steven, be careful, you are of the same genes, keep fighting the fight as well. 

Blanco, Aretha and Tina Marie you bring me smiles you will never know as does Rene. Reverend Robinson continue please to be there for our New York Avenue family and continue to do good. 

The illness of depression seems to winning since the death of my mother. Compounded of recent with physical sickness. Somehow moms death seemed to trigger something dark within me, unresolved conversations and percolating a depression I felt, I’ve had at bay and transferring into physical gut wrenching pain and fatigue. I feel as if I’m in a deep hole with everything pulling at me and that I can’t get out of. I sense the disappointment in the eyes of those around me. 

To those family, friends and business associates that I’ve of recently disappointed: I can only say I’m sorry, I’m trying the best I know how to get out of this dark place and make all whole and happy again. Please be patient we will move forward back to normalcy.

I hope you can find forgiveness and understanding in your hearts, and if not I understand.

To my Alamogordo neighbors the last 3 years has been the most entertaining ride of my lifetime. To my political enemies you did not win, the disease is winning for now, so spew the hate and spin it as you may. 

My public pronouncement of illness is not meant for sympathy or pity, it meant to inform those concerned and to know we are working on a path of resolution and a path forward. 

The vision is just, the cultural arts we embrace inspire, history must be told and I pray that we’ve at least inspired others to seek help from mental illness, to follow their dreams regardless of outcome , and know that there are beautiful people that love us for who we are are regardless of flaws or failures. We fight the battle over the darkness, we are stronger than you think and with a little time and treatment we will overcome and shine light again. 

Peace be with you and love to each of our readers, friends, ally’s and partners. 

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